I actually got into Amherst College.

Tags: amherst college, bcc, future, life, school
Current Location: bcc tasc
Current Mood: excited?

Hi.

I was just trying to think about the perfect word to describe where I am right now.

Lost.

It's that limbo between the end of one routine and the beginning of another. Between the end of last semester and the beginning of the next one. Waiting in limbo.

But I'm also lost because I also don't know where to start with writing in here. I must admit that I think I stopped writing for a while because there were certain things I didn't want to admit to myself.

For instance, I was going to start tutoring at the school, after meeting the professor and having a good conversation about things. He gave me some seemingly long winded application type paperwork to fill out, stuff for Human Services, and I put it off and put it off. I really was interested in tutoring for many different reasons, but after a few weeks the papers just sat there and then I felt like it was too late. It had been lingering over me for a while and bothering me. But I was too embarrassed to write about it because I realize how stupid it sounds. I got a call from one of the tutor center coordinators about the tutor application I never filled out and cleared everything up. It took me less than an hour in the computer lab filling out the application.

Things like that have been happening for a while. My room is a kerfuffle. It's mainly left over school binders I have no place for, papers that don't belong anywhere, left over college paperwork from the past few years. The disorganization seems to cause further disorganization in the rest of my life, school, poker, anything you want to imagine.

Right now, my crutch is the Amherst college application essays. I had some very grandiose ideas back when I wrote that last entry. Working on them immediately, doing many drafts, writing several different essays.

I haven't started the three essays. Except for the assignment I had in my English class to write a college application essay. I used the Amherst prompt and got a B- because I didn't care since I knew it wasn't going to be the one I sent. It's bland and harsh.

I said something about how I had a chance of getting into Amherst if the three essays were the three best essays I've ever written. I'm obviously behind the eight ball. But to use a poker analogy, I have outs. Application is due February 1st, and if I actually sit down and write something very soon (like tomorrow), I'll have some good footing to keep reediting and rewriting to write what I need to write.

I won't go into my analysis about the different prompts like I was just planning on. Maybe I'll save that for a later post or I'll write something tomorrow. The prompts are in the application here, if anyone does care. It's basically the Common Application transfer essay which is why are you transferring etc, and two intriguing and thought provoking essay questions in the Amherst supplement (at the end). Those may take some creative writing and thought.

Anyways, I didn't mean to go into my "OMG Ryan, WTF are you doing about essays mode", but truly it's whats bothering me right now. I've given recommendations to four of my professors to send out, who should all be writing me fairly good recommendations, and now for the most part it's up to me. Numerous times they've told me what a good opportunity I have to have the chance to go to this prestigious school and I spend my winter vacation jerking off instead of doing some work. Typical me.

That wasn't all I wanted to write about it, but it's the main thing that's been bothering me.

I've been thinking about the past year, seeing as it's now 2007, and what would sum up the last year. In a word : adultish. I've done a lot of adult things since turning 21 last year. I've gone to Foxwoods numerous times, and seeing as before than I've never really been out of state by myself all that much, it's certainly a change. I visited New York to see the U.S. Open and drank some beers with adult friends in a NY restaurant, went to Atlantic City in November and experienced the joy of Greyhound and. Went to see some concerts in Providence for the first time in a while. And I quit my minimum wage job to play poker for a living.

In the first part of the year, I went to "college" full-time, met some cool acquaintances, and got close but whiffed. I suppose in the scheme of things, 2006 might just be the crossroads of my life. The gap between young Ryan and old Ryan. I don't like the phrase old Ryan one bit, but it's got a pint of truth to it.

So, in terms of what I missed that I hadn't written about in a while, things got hectic at the end of the semester as all the work I hadn't done got piled on top of more work that had to be done. I got lucky in a lot of ways. My calculus professor let me hand in a few labs extra late for no points off, which the rest of the class felt was unfair and I felt kind of bad about it. I had a whole bunch of work I hadn't done in Chemistry, about 6 Labs, my whole lab notebook to write in, studying for stuff, etc.

Actually, the Chemistry final is sort of worth a paragraph itself. The professor is really nice and almost too lenient, and the final was almost like an open book final. There were a few charts in the back we had to use as a reference on some answers, and she also said that we could flip through and find someone if we knew where it was. She didn't make it explicitly open book, i.e. look up whatever you need to, but it seemed like a few people in class were doing that. There was some stuff she didn't really cover at all in class on radioactivity and wavelength equation stuff that I basically thumbed through to figure out how to do, and a few answers where I knew where they were so I figured I might as well find them. So it took a while, but I test got done as I thumbed through the book carefully.

And the day of the Chemistry final happened to contain the funniest moment of 2006 and the most I've probably laughed ever. This requires a bit of set up to explain it.

See, my Chemistry professor has a sort of lisp. She'll explain something and use the phrase "to work with" a lot. It wasn't until about halfway through the class that I noticed this, because one of the girls in class was badmouthing the professor before lab and mentioning "Have you ever noticed how she says "to work with" all the time?". Like 5 minutes into lab, she says it about 2 or 3 times, and I start giggling a little bit, as does this other girl in class who heard the comment out in the hall. I couldn't help but notice it the rest of the semester, and it's strange. It's almost like a defense mechanism for her, because for instance there was one time I walked into one of the other classes' labs to talk to her, and she's talking to some students about something and ends the sentence with "to work with" for no reason.

So fast forward to the last day of class, we're doing presentations of labs we were assigned to, and one of the groups is up there. The guy presenting and doing the talking I've done a few labs with an he's a cool guy, really nice and not the mean spirited type or anything. He's doing his presenting and talking about the experiment. "You do this with the ammonium chloride and put it into the container to work with", and I burst out laughing uncontrollably. I tried not to laugh loudly and control how hard I was laughing, keeping it to a giggle, but it was hard because the other girl I mentioned who had giggled back a few classes ago was laughing as well and we were both looking at each other like, "oh my god that was hilarious". I felt really bad because the professor was sitting right in front of me watching the presentation, and I was laughing pretty loudly. Apparently she didn't notice at all though. But I just kept laughing whenever I would look at the the other girl and I couldn't help it. Eventually I left the room and went to the bathroom to control myself because I just couldn't. I literally kept laughing for a few minutes. Even now whenever I'm thinking about it, I can't help but laugh a little. Most hilarious thing of the year ever.

I know that story probably doesn't make any sense, it was one of those things you just had to be there for, but it was absolutely hilarious. To work with. Tehehe.

But yeah, fun fun.

There was also an English research essay that I did without even doing a rough draft. I kept putting that one off and off. Sociology final, etc. The Chemistry stuff was the biggest deal because it was stuff I should of had done long before. In the end I got all 4.0s except for English, where I got an A-. Still great. I remember when I was waiting for my grades online and looked at the first batch of grades from Calc and Tech and Society, where I got an A+ and A, and I was really excited, and then not nearly as excited to see that I got one A-. I really was hoping to get another full 4.0 to bring my whole GPA up and have a better shot at Amherst, but one A- isn't bad. I've got an A+ in both my math classes and an A+ in the SOC12 class, so that looks good I guess even if it's the same numerically.

That's about it. Nice to get most of everything I've wanted to write off my chest. Good latenight. That's the other part I'm lost about, lately I've been going to bed near this late (this is the latest), and waking up at like 1 or 2pm. Not good. Oh well.

Tags: amherst college, college, life, stupid me
Current Mood: lost

It's yet again been awhile since I wrote in here seriously.

There are a bunch of topics I could write about right now. Poker - my AC trip, recent online play, my deteriorating tournament game. The previous other topics I mentioned which I never talked about. School - whether how bad I've been with work or my possible future prospects for college. About the only topic I can't write about is girls, because lately I haven't cared much. I'm not pursuing Tiffany, and I haven't met any awesome girls this semester. I could write about theories on why/how I'm amiable even though not much has happened this semester.

But the topic I really want to write about is my future college prospects.


For quite awhile my college philosophy has been the means and not the ends. "Stay in school long enough until you figure out how to pay for it," was a theory that I developed last semester when talking to my Sociology professor. I really do want to learn but I don't know what I want to do. I have my ideas based on my current interests, and the leading occupation has been something to do with Math, probably something like being a high school teacher. Granted, with the knowledge I've gained from my Sociology class the last two semesters, an occupation in Math is starting to lose some ground.

Rewind back to last semester. I was supposed to write an essay for a scholarship, the Presidential Scholars Program, where half your tuition and fees are paid or something or other, with the intention of the applicant transferring to a four year school after getting an Associates Degree at BCC. One of the transfer counselors I had talked to previously told me about it, and also told me about some grant that Amherst College was getting to attract community college students. It was the first I had heard of Amherst College and other then a quick browse and hearing about a $40k/year pricetag I didn't look at it very hard.

Fast forward to this semester. One of my professors is a BCC>Amherst College graduate, whom I had last year for US History and this year for a cool Tech & Society class. He talks about the school occasionally and had mentioned how Amherst College was coming to the college and had a special presentation they were doing. Unfortunately, I completely forgot about that presentation when my professor talked about it the next class. Something about 100% financial aid guaranteed (minus the fine print), Amherst pursuing community college students, and how I would be a good fit. Luckily there was a college fair event in a few weeks that a representative from Amherst was going to be at as well.

I actually nearly forgot about the fair, there was an hour before my classes I could go to it and I got up kind of late but got there in time. I browsed some of the other colleges as well, to kind of warm up to looking at Amherst. All the typical schools were there, I checked out MCLA, Clark, UMass Darmouth, and UMass Amherst (probable "safety" school").

Then, I talked to the Amherst admissions representative. When I was thinking about the fair before I got to school, I had worried that maybe I wouldn't get a chance to talk to them, maybe there would be too many people looking at Amherst. Silly anxieties. I talked to the admissions representative for about 15-20 minutes at least, and there was clearly no one else interested. She was a brand new admissions fellow who had graduated a year before and was picked to be the community college transfer admissions officer. I asked a bunch of questions and all the answers and everything she told me made me really interested in Amherst.

It's hard to describe, but afterwards, I had never wanted anything more than I had wanted to attend Amherst College. It just felt awesome. Amherst was looking for talented, highly-motivated, intellectual community college students, and here I was one of those students. Granted, I think I'm on the lower end of their admissions spectrum. Or at least I think so, I may be being a little too humble. As of 22 credits I have a 3.9 (one B+), and I did the rough math and continued 4.0s would raise me up to something close to 3.97. Not a pefect score, but about as close as you're going to get without getting a 4.0. For some reason I believe that not getting all 4.0s would hurt me but I suppose 3 hundredths isn't that far off.

I mean, I think I am what they are looking for. My SAT score (1300) is a little under their freshman applicant range, and while my HS transcript is littered with missing semesters and random sparks of intelligence and advanced courses, and certainly the weakest part of my academic record, I do think I am whatever you want to call me. I've already written too much of this entry in the hubris-person view to admit to being any of those big I or little S words (again).

I'd say the chances are fairly slim to being admitted (they only admitted 19% of applicants last year), but I definitely have a live draw. If I can write three of the best essays in my entire life (yes, they require three essays Ryan, the first is from the common app transfer and the other two from their supplement), and pull out 4.0s for the rest of my college credits, I feel like I have a really good shot.

But unfortunately, while I said in my head I've never wanted anything more, I must admit it's just not following into my work attitude. If it wasn't for my Calculus professor loving me, and my Chemistry professor accepting late labs I wouldn't be on track for a 4.0 this semester. Recent stupid moments included playing Halo 2 for 4-5 hours one Sunday night/Monday night before an exam/essays to be written for my Tech & Society class where I hadn't even read 5 out of the 6 chapters the exam was on. I had to speed read (which actually seemed to work) through a few chapters in order to come close to getting a 95 (including a scale of 5 points). Yes, I take excellent class notes in that class which is why I could do so well but I still need to read the text.

So, next weekend I'm attending their Community College Transfer Day at Amherst. They're inviting community college students up to Amherst for a series of informational sessions, lunch, a dinner reception, and lots of fun stuff. It should be interesting and a lot of fun. I am most looking forward to seeing what the other community college students that are visiting the college are like, and if I have a chance against them in a sea of applications. I imagine meeting a lot of people in the same boat as me and maybe with the same interests/etc. should be pretty cool as well. I'm actually really excited just writing about it.

I must say, I find it quite exciting that I have this chance to possibly attend this forth thousand dollar, fairly prestigious college, especially given all I've been through. Going back to the beginning of my livejournal in late 2003 prior to my senior year of HS, I didn't even have any possible plans for college. I knew it was possible, I took the SATs for my second time, but I didn't think much of it and the score I got. It wasn't until I had begun to talk to teachers about college (well, Rosa) that I realized the possibilities. And after being denied from everywhere worth going, I knew I didn't want to be working in fast-food the rest of my life as Rosa would put it.

And now, after everything, after gradually going to BCC and moving to a fuller than full-time schedule, after not being able to pay for Fitchburg even though I was accepted and all ready to go. After all of that, I have a chance to make something even better of myself at somewhere I couldn't have dreamed of going two years ago? Please. No really, please. I want that chance.

Usually when people ask the question "If you could choose anything in your life to do over again/change, what would it be", I'd answer everything. There are so many things that have gone wrong in my life that to start at one single solitary moment is hard. But if I got the chance to go to this school, and found some calling, experienced an amazing two years of college, and maybe met some future soulmate, well, I might finally be one of those people who answers that they wouldn't want to change anything in their life. I think I would finally see my life in the Frostian point of view, the road less traveled where everything that goes wrong is simply a path to something inevitably going amazingly right. I never thought I would ever think in those terms. That maybe, just maybe, I would want to leave/live my life the same because my past has led me towards path that I am on now and towards the yellow brick road I might actually end up finding. I kind of only have one word to describe this : amazing.


Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

So anyways, I'm going up to Amherst on Saturday. It should be a ball. If anyone in Amherst reads this (Kristin?) and isn't busy Saturday night let me know.

Yet again...

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

"Open your eyes, boy. I think we are saved."

Tags: amherst college, bcc, college, future, school
Current Mood: amazed
Current Music: Internet Radio