I'll start off with the conclusion -- this semester did not go as well as I had hoped.

It started off strong, and it seemed like it would go quite smoothly, but it slowly ventured downhill and finally imploded sometime after Thanksgiving break.

It actually felt quite long. I still can't really believe that over 4 months ago I was still working and doing stuff for orientation on campus, and then a few days later it would be schoolwork and crew.

At the start of the semester, all my classes were great. Econ was not only interesting but rather easy since I had already had a little bit of Econ knowledge from my Macro class at BCC. Geo looked to be rather easy and a breeze, and also quite fun and easy. Both my computer science classes seemed interesting and not too hard.

By the end, I hated Geo, getting up early in the morning, and the grueling and annoying group assignment I did most of the work on. The class was also not what I had expected, the tests felt cheesy (and I got a D on the first one), and energy resources were talked about but he did not talk about energy resource depletion at all. At the end of the class the professor even claimed that "fossil fuels are not going away". I mostly disagree. I learned a little about global warming but I would not have taken that class over again.

I realized I hated Geo about a month into the class, but everything else was mostly going okay until Thanksgiving break. I preceded to put off several assignments (CS16 CPU/ISA project, several CS23 labs, and studying for Econ final) that screwed me over. The CS23 labs I should have finished weeks before, and that caused me to have to manage about 3 things at the same time during reading period and finals week, while I had the exams for all 3 classes.

Hence, I got the CS assignments mostly done (the CS16 project was great, CS23 labs could have been better), but put off studying the Econ exam and got screwed over in that. Then the CS exams were both pretty brutal, the CS23 one being worse because that was the only test/exam in the class.

So, in summary things went bad but they were good.

I started off the first two CS23 labs strongly (in that I started them early/ier), but then the CS16 exam was tough (it was scaled and I still got a B-) and the material in both classes got tougher.

Econ really was going great, A's on both midterms and I felt the class was pretty easy and then the final came which was a disaster. I got surprised by the format and I didn't study appropriately. Usually I can guess the format of exams but in that one I just forgot to -- I should of studied the book for the old material and my notes for the new material. And then I just didn't study hard enough.


I realized after the Econ exam that I really need to re-evaluate how I consider success. I said for a while that to me, grades don't matter. They do, to high-profile jobs and internships and yadda yadda. But I'm most likely not looking at that (it'd be nice...). But it does matter how much work and effort I put in to my classes and work.

For the Econ exam, I simply didn't put in enough work and studying (this is true for the CS exams as well). If you study really hard, and a test is tough and you do bad, whatever, the test was tough and you did your best. But if you don't study hard, and a test wasn't very hard and you did good because of that, that shouldn't be cause for celebration.

I did a good job early in Econ, I did all the problem sets eventually (could of studied harder for the quizzes) - but then I ignored the practice final exam, and the last problem sets, which I should have focused more on.

I'm upset at myself at the end of this semester not because I got bad grades, but because I simply didn't work hard enough. I've had 3 semesters here and I've done this each and every semester. I know how much more work I have to do to qualify to myself to work hard enough, and it's definitely do-able, but I still haven't applied that amount of work. I was close this semester, but I expect next semester to be better.


I've still only got one grade back, a B in Geo, which is definitely much better than it could of been. I'm hoping all my grades stay in the B range (I am a little upset I threw away my A/A+ in Econ), but the CS exams were badd, they could be worse. Edit (I got an A in CS16 (surprising), a B+ in CS23, a B+ in Econ, and I think a B or B- in Geo... could of been all A's though)

Tags: amherst, school
Current Location: basement, home
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: itunes...argh

djjohnnymac was right. I probably could of waited until I was sober to make that last post.

Everything is okay after a bit of discussion, and everything is happy.

Now if only investment banks would stop folding and credit would stop tightening some I could get a loan and actually be able to pay for school.

Tags: s, school
Current Music: Radiohead - Paranoid Android

I actually got into Amherst College.

Tags: amherst college, bcc, future, life, school
Current Location: bcc tasc
Current Mood: excited?

It's good to be back in school.

I have my first tutor appointment tommorrow in PSY 51 (General Psych), I'm really excited. It's good that it's a class I've actually taken, albeit two years ago, and one that I really enjoyed. Hopefully that makes it easy to tutor. I just hope that I don't suck.

I still haven't really done the essays, but I know that I need to do them and I really want to do them. My plan tonight is to relax for a little bit when I get home after Physics Lab and then refresh my Psychology knowledge and work on putting some fingers to keys and put some 0s and 1s in a file. I may decide to stay up late to force myself to write something soon.

Getting up early for Physics/school in generally doesn't totally suck as I expected it to, but it's still a bummer. Haven't looked into moving to Fall River other than thinking about it. I also don't know if I could financially swing it, especially after Neteller stopped accepting poker transactions, the easiest/quickest way of getting money I win into my bank account. I may have to start using credit cards in the evil debt collecting way soon so I can work my way out without being broke.

It's not as bad as it sounds, I can still play poker and win enough and eventually get money out through various ways. I also started propping at a poker site where I can make about $20/hr per table playing 4/8. Propping is when a poker site pays you to start new games and keep games going, so it's a very nice deal with 150% rakeback at 4/8. That is a sick amount of money if I could actually get off my ass and play for a long period of time, but as I really want to get this Amherst stuff done I'm going to take a break for a little bit and hence why I really don't want to write too much about it.

Otherwise, all my classes seem pretty good. I think this may be quite a hard semester though, with Physics and Diff EQs, the Sociology honors seminar, Philosophy, and the ENG12 Lit class. I'm pretty tired right now. Not sure if it's because of lack of sleep or because at this time yesterday I was working out really hard. The Fitness Center is cool.

Also, I've always done this, I don't know if anyone else does, but I always end up imagining how people feel, what conversations with people might be like, guess what people might be doing or thinking. I seem to generally be wrong and conversations end up not how I would imagine them. I think I'm a little disturbed in this area, I'd like to blame it on being an INTJ or being very aware of other people's conciousness. Or maybe not. Regardless, the point I'm thinking about/making is that it seems like anytime I expect a certain response from someone (like, say I don't do something and except negative harsh criticism), I'm wrong about it or it's not exactly what I was imagining. In this way I think for some sick reason I underestimate the human nature of life, being so hermitly introverted. Just something I was thinking about based on a few recent encounters.

Tags: bcc, life, poker, school, thoughts, tutoring
Current Location: computer lab
Current Mood: contemplative

It's yet again been awhile since I wrote in here seriously.

There are a bunch of topics I could write about right now. Poker - my AC trip, recent online play, my deteriorating tournament game. The previous other topics I mentioned which I never talked about. School - whether how bad I've been with work or my possible future prospects for college. About the only topic I can't write about is girls, because lately I haven't cared much. I'm not pursuing Tiffany, and I haven't met any awesome girls this semester. I could write about theories on why/how I'm amiable even though not much has happened this semester.

But the topic I really want to write about is my future college prospects.


For quite awhile my college philosophy has been the means and not the ends. "Stay in school long enough until you figure out how to pay for it," was a theory that I developed last semester when talking to my Sociology professor. I really do want to learn but I don't know what I want to do. I have my ideas based on my current interests, and the leading occupation has been something to do with Math, probably something like being a high school teacher. Granted, with the knowledge I've gained from my Sociology class the last two semesters, an occupation in Math is starting to lose some ground.

Rewind back to last semester. I was supposed to write an essay for a scholarship, the Presidential Scholars Program, where half your tuition and fees are paid or something or other, with the intention of the applicant transferring to a four year school after getting an Associates Degree at BCC. One of the transfer counselors I had talked to previously told me about it, and also told me about some grant that Amherst College was getting to attract community college students. It was the first I had heard of Amherst College and other then a quick browse and hearing about a $40k/year pricetag I didn't look at it very hard.

Fast forward to this semester. One of my professors is a BCC>Amherst College graduate, whom I had last year for US History and this year for a cool Tech & Society class. He talks about the school occasionally and had mentioned how Amherst College was coming to the college and had a special presentation they were doing. Unfortunately, I completely forgot about that presentation when my professor talked about it the next class. Something about 100% financial aid guaranteed (minus the fine print), Amherst pursuing community college students, and how I would be a good fit. Luckily there was a college fair event in a few weeks that a representative from Amherst was going to be at as well.

I actually nearly forgot about the fair, there was an hour before my classes I could go to it and I got up kind of late but got there in time. I browsed some of the other colleges as well, to kind of warm up to looking at Amherst. All the typical schools were there, I checked out MCLA, Clark, UMass Darmouth, and UMass Amherst (probable "safety" school").

Then, I talked to the Amherst admissions representative. When I was thinking about the fair before I got to school, I had worried that maybe I wouldn't get a chance to talk to them, maybe there would be too many people looking at Amherst. Silly anxieties. I talked to the admissions representative for about 15-20 minutes at least, and there was clearly no one else interested. She was a brand new admissions fellow who had graduated a year before and was picked to be the community college transfer admissions officer. I asked a bunch of questions and all the answers and everything she told me made me really interested in Amherst.

It's hard to describe, but afterwards, I had never wanted anything more than I had wanted to attend Amherst College. It just felt awesome. Amherst was looking for talented, highly-motivated, intellectual community college students, and here I was one of those students. Granted, I think I'm on the lower end of their admissions spectrum. Or at least I think so, I may be being a little too humble. As of 22 credits I have a 3.9 (one B+), and I did the rough math and continued 4.0s would raise me up to something close to 3.97. Not a pefect score, but about as close as you're going to get without getting a 4.0. For some reason I believe that not getting all 4.0s would hurt me but I suppose 3 hundredths isn't that far off.

I mean, I think I am what they are looking for. My SAT score (1300) is a little under their freshman applicant range, and while my HS transcript is littered with missing semesters and random sparks of intelligence and advanced courses, and certainly the weakest part of my academic record, I do think I am whatever you want to call me. I've already written too much of this entry in the hubris-person view to admit to being any of those big I or little S words (again).

I'd say the chances are fairly slim to being admitted (they only admitted 19% of applicants last year), but I definitely have a live draw. If I can write three of the best essays in my entire life (yes, they require three essays Ryan, the first is from the common app transfer and the other two from their supplement), and pull out 4.0s for the rest of my college credits, I feel like I have a really good shot.

But unfortunately, while I said in my head I've never wanted anything more, I must admit it's just not following into my work attitude. If it wasn't for my Calculus professor loving me, and my Chemistry professor accepting late labs I wouldn't be on track for a 4.0 this semester. Recent stupid moments included playing Halo 2 for 4-5 hours one Sunday night/Monday night before an exam/essays to be written for my Tech & Society class where I hadn't even read 5 out of the 6 chapters the exam was on. I had to speed read (which actually seemed to work) through a few chapters in order to come close to getting a 95 (including a scale of 5 points). Yes, I take excellent class notes in that class which is why I could do so well but I still need to read the text.

So, next weekend I'm attending their Community College Transfer Day at Amherst. They're inviting community college students up to Amherst for a series of informational sessions, lunch, a dinner reception, and lots of fun stuff. It should be interesting and a lot of fun. I am most looking forward to seeing what the other community college students that are visiting the college are like, and if I have a chance against them in a sea of applications. I imagine meeting a lot of people in the same boat as me and maybe with the same interests/etc. should be pretty cool as well. I'm actually really excited just writing about it.

I must say, I find it quite exciting that I have this chance to possibly attend this forth thousand dollar, fairly prestigious college, especially given all I've been through. Going back to the beginning of my livejournal in late 2003 prior to my senior year of HS, I didn't even have any possible plans for college. I knew it was possible, I took the SATs for my second time, but I didn't think much of it and the score I got. It wasn't until I had begun to talk to teachers about college (well, Rosa) that I realized the possibilities. And after being denied from everywhere worth going, I knew I didn't want to be working in fast-food the rest of my life as Rosa would put it.

And now, after everything, after gradually going to BCC and moving to a fuller than full-time schedule, after not being able to pay for Fitchburg even though I was accepted and all ready to go. After all of that, I have a chance to make something even better of myself at somewhere I couldn't have dreamed of going two years ago? Please. No really, please. I want that chance.

Usually when people ask the question "If you could choose anything in your life to do over again/change, what would it be", I'd answer everything. There are so many things that have gone wrong in my life that to start at one single solitary moment is hard. But if I got the chance to go to this school, and found some calling, experienced an amazing two years of college, and maybe met some future soulmate, well, I might finally be one of those people who answers that they wouldn't want to change anything in their life. I think I would finally see my life in the Frostian point of view, the road less traveled where everything that goes wrong is simply a path to something inevitably going amazingly right. I never thought I would ever think in those terms. That maybe, just maybe, I would want to leave/live my life the same because my past has led me towards path that I am on now and towards the yellow brick road I might actually end up finding. I kind of only have one word to describe this : amazing.


Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

So anyways, I'm going up to Amherst on Saturday. It should be a ball. If anyone in Amherst reads this (Kristin?) and isn't busy Saturday night let me know.

Yet again...

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

"Open your eyes, boy. I think we are saved."

Tags: amherst college, bcc, college, future, school
Current Mood: amazed
Current Music: Internet Radio

I'm a luckbox.

I'm the lazy mofo in the world yet somehow I can get by doing the bare minimum for any of my classes and still not get in deep trouble in regards to grades.

Example : Third week of Chemistry class, I haven't done any reading yet, there's a Lab due that I have to print out a cover page and make a graph (lab report is already done for us). I fall asleep after poker the prior night and don't do anything I'm supposed to. I try to make the graph in OpenOffice and it won't work like it's supposed to. I don't do any reading or print out the previous lab and copy it into my lab notebook. Between the break of class and lab I have enough time to print out the necessary graph in the library and all is good. I do decent on the quiz we had in class that I didn't study for and the lab works out okay.

Another example : On Monday after Foxwoods, I fell asleep at 3am after I got home without doing anything. I promised myself I'd do the work I needed to do for Monday after I got home from Foxwoods but I lied. I wake up at like 9am or something, an hour later than I'd like to. I didn't get any of the stuff done for English I needed (paragraph about essay, notes on a Chapter to read). We aren't quizzed on it and I didn't need to hand in paragraph. Previously I had a situation where I didn't finish a journal assignment and had a sick feeling he was going to look at them over the weekend but I was wrong and I got lucky to get away with that.

Same thing with my Calculus labs, last week I didn't finish them on Friday and my professor likes me so I told her I'd hand them in on Monday, I didn't even finish them before class but I gave them to her after class on Monday after I finished them in the lab. Not sure if they'll be late but I don't think they will be.

Something is going to have to change eventually though. I'm the laziest SOB in the world and I just keep getting lucky to get away with it. I actually would really like to get another 4.0 this semester but it's never going to work if I keep doing this.

So far Chemistry is nice, it reminds me of why I liked HS Chemistry, although I think I hate doing labs because of the uncertainty of screwing something up. I like the math behind anything more than the experiments. We had a placement exam sort of thing with a bunch of algebra and chem stuff on it and it was actually a lot of fun I thought, stressing my brain out on stuff I barely remember.

Otherwise I think I've just gotten used to the lameness that is BCC for a while. I don't feel as bad about my classes as I did, but they're not super awesome still. My Monday night course isn't bad with my Hist professor from last semester. The topic is interesting although the class is ultra small (6ish). Soc is getting interesting, need to write a draft of an essay due tommorrow for English (awesome! :|), and Calc is Calc but at least it's Math.

I might be tutoring over at the TASC. Right now the guy from the Attleboro center has some people who need help in MTH 31 which is "Modern College Mathematics". It's a bunch of stuff I should know if I study it, basically Pre-Calc/Trig kind of stuff, but I'm not super confident I can tutor stuff about matrices and the "Simplex Method", whatever that is. I mean if people need help on the quadratic formula that's one thing, but some stuff I may not be much help with/a crappy tutor. It's a little weird. That and even though they say they need tutors it doesn't seem like they do.

I've always been thinking about what to do after this semester. I'm thinking I really want to get out of here ASAP. The quicker I move to a real college I think the better off I will be. I mean, I've already wasted enough time here to begin with when I think I would of been better off going anywhere else. I've been thinking of moving to Fall River to make commuting a lot easier but I'm not even close to planning that yet.

Sigh. Other random thoughts.

I think I saw Tiffany walking a ways in front of me after I got out of class. It was actually sort of a bad beat because I got out of class early but mosied around before leaving the building I was at. It very well may not have been her but the way she walked/moved, seemed like it might have been her.

No real awesome girls in any of my classes. A few hotties and a few interesting/smart girls but nobody truly awesome. I was lab partner with this girl who was kind of cute and seemed pretty smart the first week but changed partners cause I thought she was partnered with someone else the second week. Bad read.

I'm starting to think I should try to sign up for one of those dating services and go on a date with someone/anyone. I suppose I would compose myself better in a one-on-one date I was forced to go on rather than trying to find someone I like and could get the courage to ask in society. I'd really just like a girl who was somewhat like me who I could exchange thoughts and intellectual conversation with, and maybe have fun and play games with. Someone set us up the girl!

Tags: bcc, college, school
Current Location: school computer lab
Current Music: 1.fm

So I've been going on for a while about how I wanted to quit Subway and a week or so ago I put in my two weeks notice. My last day is Saturday August 26th. There just happens to be a Bovi's tournament on that Sunday, and I'm going to the U.S. Open in New York on Monday/Tuesday with Mark and Kurt from Poker, and the week after school starts, so it's really the best time to go for it. I kind of want a week off to settle myself between school and poker.


Speaking of school, August 17th is the tuition bill due date so I had to semi-finalize my course plans. I'm actually really looking forward to going back to school, especially after thinking a lot about it the past two days. I realized that with not working at all it's going to give me a lot of flexibility in regard to course scheduling, so if I want to take even more courses, like a night Philosophy course I can do that on any day I feel like. I ended up ditching the Music Theory course I was planning on taking to make room for English 11 and a Chemistry course.

I might be crazy, but here's the almost set in stone schedule -

WRF 10-1050 SOC 12 3cr - Sociology of Social Problems
MWRF 11-1150 LRN02 (ENG 11 + CSS 12) 4cr - College Writing + College Success Strategies Course combined
MTWRF 12-1250 MTH53 - Calc III 4cr - Tuesday is Recitation, I have no other classes on Tuesday so I might just be ditching class every Tuesday.
M 4-640 SSC17 - Technology and Society 3cr - course with my History professor from last semester, supposed to be really cool but I don't know if the course will run.
S 9-1140 lab 12-forever CHM13 4cr - Fundamentals of Chemistry

That total is 18 credits. I kind of would like to add a Philosophy course in on Thursday night, but 18 credits is a lot and I might be crazy for wanting to take that many. If the Technology and Society course doesn't run I might switch to that on Thursdays. I realized that if I have Saturday's off and I can go for that all day Chemistry course. I don't know what it'll be like exactly. I really did like Chemistry back in HS with Mrs. Botsford and I figure this is really the only semester I can try to take it. Maybe next semester I'll take the Physics I course too.

The way I view all these courses is just trying to learn. I know a lot of people at BCC or at college period are trying to just take all the right courses to graduate, but it doesn't really matter to me. I mean, I originally was planning on taking Computer Science courses at Fitchburg, but I came here and haven't taken anything of the sort, mainly because the path of taking all of those courses is a lot of computer courses work and not fun learning stuff work. I mean, if I want to actually start getting into the computer field, I have no problem staying another year at a real college to finish up course work. Maybe I'm just crazy overall.


On the poker side of things, I really haven't played much online since getting back from my good run at Foxwoods. I ended up winning in the last session of the night, up $176 profit. Overall for the whole trip I ended up $499, basically +$699 in the cash games and -$200 from the tournaments. Oh tournaments, why do I play thee?

In the final night session, I remember value-raising with a flush draw on a flop and getting there, and then this sick hand.

In a non kill pot, I limp 44 after a limper and the I think there's another caller and a raiser on the button. We all call and I think it's at least 4way, maybe 5way to the flop. The flop is 432. Whee. I end up slowplaying the flop, and despite the fact like at least 4 of us get 4 bets in. I didn't bet or raise at all on the flop, seriously. I think the action went the woman who was sort of bad on my right bet, I decided to flat call, the button raised, she re-raised, I called again and somewhere along the line it got capped. The turn comes an ugly A. We check to the woman directly on my left who bets out. We all call even though it's clear she has at least a 5. The river doesn't pair the board and I overcall a bet and the woman to my left shows 75 for the straight. The button had some kind of Ax hand I think, I don't remember what. I didn't show my set but I mentioned to the woman going on about how she had the best hand on the flop how I don't think she did because I had the third nuts on the flop. I'm not sure if she could add and figured out what the third nuts was, but I think she got the idea. Anyway the hand is crazy and I'm probably supposed to be the one jamming on the flop, but it's probably not going to get the lady to my left out, and being results oriented, I lost nearly the minimum I could lose flopping top set and getting sucked out on.

Online wise I just haven't been playing much. The 5/10 game at Boss Media hasn't been running nearly as often as it used to, but I've been considering playing the Party 5/10 game instead. I've been datamining and while the tables are tight, with good table selection I might be able to find a few fish. Regarding table selection, there's an interesting program out called Sixth Sense that basically uses your PT database and helps you select the right table, without relying on anything else like PA HUD (which I don't have). It's pretty neat.

I'm thinking about getting in some long sessions tomorrow (or today technically) as I have Thursday thru Saturday off. Probably playing at Jim's on Friday, Ron's on Saturday, and there's an Interpoker added $$ tournament on Sunday although I'm working 4-9, which I'm going to try to play in.

Tags: poker, school, work
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: The Fray CD

I used an analogy a while ago to point to how far behind I am in life.

I'll use another one.

Your room/desk (for those who don't live with your parents, your house) is a good sign of how far behind you are. Lately It's been the worst it's ever been in my life. It's bad when a week goes by and you still haven't finished putting all your laundry back from the last time you did laundry, and have to do more laundry. I've always had really old school papers lying around my room for no reason, and such is still the case. I have two bags of candy from the mall (wait.. make that one I can't find the other one in my desk) from several months ago. I'm going to throw it out now. .1% down. Oh yeah, I guess trash going out would be a good idea right now too.

Yeah, I'm pretty far behind.

I still haven't started my over 100 question Child Psychology final exam. Finals are the week of the 15th (basically 2 more weeks). Nor have I started my list of child observations, my 15 magazine/newspaper articles we are supposed to put together, or have I put together my presentation (probably doing it on child internet safety). I think I probably should I have taken myself more seriously when I considered withdrawing from the course because I knew I wouldn't do anything and I knew it would be a joke. I told myself early in the year that ironically, the "easiest" course for everyone else in the world I would get the worst grade it. It's likely to hold true.

I have a 98 in Calc II, despite not doing any homework seriously since the 6th section of the course. I got an 85 on the last test we had, largely because I tried to prove that infinity^0 = 1 when in reality it is an indeterminate form (11 point problem). I would of known that if I had actually read the part of the book that says that. Luckily she let us go back and do the ones we got points off on and I ended up getting a 92.

I have a ~94 in History 14 (1877+). I got a 95 (-5 points of on multiple choice, essays perfect) on the last test despite not reading the 4 chapters the test was on. I'm not sure I've mentioned this, but the professor has study guide questions on the syllabus to go along with each chapter. I realized after the first test that all these study guide questions were the exact same one that I ended up on the test. He'd ask to identify the leaders of Germany, Italy, and Japan in WWII and then the question on the test would be the match which one didn't belong. Etc. So I got down to a bind a few weeks ago where I procrastinated and didn't have time to do the reading. I think I actually ended up waking up in the morning without impetus and realizing I had to write essays and study after playing Halo 2 the night before (yeah.. my priorities are awesome!). I wrote two pretty good essays by focusing on the sections in the book they were about. Then I went through the chapters and followed the study guide to find all the answers. Boom. Doing the test was harder then it would of been had I read, but it's still amazing.

And then my Sociology class where I have about a 93. This was the class where I thought I failed the mid-term. This was the class where I would have put $1000 down that I wouldn't get an A on that mid-term. I had a quiz on Communist Manifesto/Social Stratificaton, and I didn't even finish reading the Communist Manifesto before the quiz. I would have been pretty happy with an 80ish grade because I didn't think my essay on the Marx theory of capitalism was all that good. Boom. 97. (Although I question the grading of the quiz unless she's got some weird scale I don't know about, I got 93% on the 75% multiple choice and she doesn't have a point listed off for the essay. By my math that's a 94.5 but I don't think I'm going to complain. She'd probably wonder why I would bring up a scoring error that favored me (as many other teachers I've done so to said).

I keep telling people that well, I like BCC, but it's really too easy. I suppose if I had a real Child Psychology course I'd be extended a bit more, but still. The Child Psychology course, although I don't like to say it, is like a joke. I want to learn more than anything (even if I don't seem to outside of class), and I'm not being taught anything in the class. My Abnormal Psych course was similar in that we barely got through half the book. I'd be very tempted to audit a Child Psych and Abnormal Psych course in the future if I had the money to do so.

With that said, I don't know what to do. I went to an "Admissions Information Session" with the director of admissions but was frankly kind of bored for most of the hour and didn't stay after to ask any questions like I wanted to. Admissions is easy, $10 fee waived online, send a HS transcript. Not like I wouldn't get in. I sort of wish I had applied back in December when I did all the course stuff, kind of silly of me not to. It's weird telling people that I'm not enrolled or whatever.

I haven't done anything about transferring anywhere else again. And I'm likely out of luck about that for any schools. As it is I haven't done a FAFSA and I know if I do it's just going to be the same bullshit EFC that I can't afford to begin with. There's a BCC Foundation Scholarship App due tomorrow that I am planning on filling out (tonight, even though I knew about it two months ago).

I'm not even sure I could afford fall semester alone unless I planned on directly paying for it with poker. My taxes ended up +800 overall but that's only because I wrote off my tuition and fees from school while declaring gambling winnings properly including getting raped on MA taxes due to not being able to declare gambling losses. Fuck me for being a goody two shooes.


Sigh. Otherwise life is still a mess. I'm a chronic procrastinator despite being someone who could do almost anything if I put my mind to it.

I've been being lazy in everything, including keeping track of poker (i'm backlogged in my stat tracking for a month or two especially online play). I played two crazy sessions of multi-tabling to clear TightPoker.com's WSOP freeroll over the past month. In talking to bastard I mentioned playing the sessions and coming out just about even between them, losing $100 in the first crazy session and about $100 in the second. Actually, I overestimated, Poker Tracker tells me I lost $146.01 in the first session, and won $77.50 in the second. If this doesn't tell you why keeping track of your winnings is important I don't know what does. They're written down in a notepad in front of me and I over/under estimated my winnings and losses despite them being written down. It's likely I've lost a fair amount of bankroll (300ish at  least) in between the two $100 tournaments, trying to qualifying for a $215 and busting out of a $55 90-player SNG.


Still conversing with Tiffany between classes, still thinking I need to make a move but at the same time still thinking I think too much. I told Emily at work about her after she mentioned how Alison has a boyfriend now (btw, said kid John is that boy, except she told me they werent going out then), and she said the typical (in the typical Ryan doesn't remember exactly what she said paraphrase) "Well you know, if you don't give her your phone number you'll probably never see her or hear from her again, and if you do well, you might know her for the rest of your life or you might never hear from her again." Yes, the more I think about it the more I think it can't hurt. I thinking I should talk to her after class on Friday again (our last class before final is the wednesday after wednesday, but it probably won't be convenient) and slip in my number somewhere.

Tags: bcc, college, girls, life, money, poker, school, t
Current Mood: nowhere fast
Current Music: Internet Radio/Whatever I feel like

Spring break this week. I'd like to do absolutely nothing but it probably won't happen. Or it will and I'll be screwed. A mini list of stuff I need to do.

- Read like 3 or 4 chapters in History and do 2 essays for the exam on Monday.
- Work on my Autobiography for Child Psych, due Thursday of next week.
- Read some of my Sociology book, I'm not sure what chapter was assigned. I'd like to read Affluenza too.
- Do about 5 or 6 homework assignments in Calc, maybe download [steal] Derive and do lab.
- Get an oil change, and fix my squealing belts.

Some stuff I'd like to do includes

- Play a bunch of poker.
- Figure out if I can still get a 25%+ discount off last years insurance. I can't believe I've spent so long throwing away like $500.
- Fill out BCC scholarship app.
- FAFSA crap or trying to get into other colleges.
- See my grandmother and play guitar for her.
- See people.
- Clean my room.
- Reorganize my new 250gb HD.

It's kind of strange going back into lazy mode after getting up early for school the past month or so. Waking up at 12 and going to work at 4 and staying up late. I'm not sure I miss it. It's kind of nice having some semblance of a life outside my room.

Thinking about work. I know I hate my job sometimes. But it's nice being really good at something, and I think I'm really good at making sandwiches. I see some of the new people I've worked with lately making a mess and you kind of just want to make them a better worker magically. I completely understand what it was like being new but it's so hard to watch people make mistakes. And I try to help but I feel bad telling people what to do like a nazi, and even then I haven't had time to help them lately.

There's a commercial out about the guy in the sandwich shop giving everyone an attitude and then some guy who just finished a sandwich is like, "Hey! ... Great sandwich!", and I get some of those occasionally and it feels good. And I tend to think I make some pretty good looking and awesome sandwiches. I don't know. It'd be tough to do something else and suck at it for a period of time.

Also, a while ago I was thinking about money and thinking about how much food I've been taking home from work . I've always taken home a 6in for dinner at night, and chips, and a full 32oz drink, and usually a fair amount of left over cookies. All that adds up to like $8 or $9 depending on how many cookies you count. And then with school I've been frequently making another 6in to eat the next day after school. So it's a pretty large amount of stuff that is completely free and no one seems to care how much we take. It's not a bad deal at all, and if you added all that I take and tips into my wages thats probably another $1-2 an hour. So I mean, I always say I hate this job but it definitely has its perks.

Tags: life, school, work
Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: new Howie Day concert downloaded (Awesome)

Not going to finish the article today either. I've had two weeks to do it and I haven't. I suck at teh papers. At this point I figure I do not want to pull an allnighter to finish it and I would rather take the late hit and do the paper better hopefully. So if it gets brought up in class and he says it is due, then I'm just going to have to deal.

As it is I have another Party Poker bonus that I haven't even tried to clear yet it and it expires Thursday.

I went for advisement on Monday and realized I didn't really need much advisement. I did find out I'm actually not an enrolled student (non-matriculating), which is interesting. I feel kind of bad because it seemed like the advisor felt like I might have been wasting her time and was a bit frustrated. I guess I make things too complicated and am looking for details that don't really exist. I did this at work with my manager last Wednesday when he told me to shut the computer down and asked if I knew how, and I kind of gave him a neutralish answer and as he tried to explain it to me like I've never used a computer before I told him I've used a computer a few times before and I knew how, and he seemed kind of frustrated that I didn't just say yes to begin with.

Anyway, I went to the advisement appointment knowing I wanted to take Calculus II and Sociology and maybe a few others but I'm really not sure and it was clear that the advisor wasn't going to be able to answer that not sure question for me. Knowing what I want to take, what classes I would like to take, when they are is probably 5 steps ahead of the usually advisee (hell, I'm already registered for Sociology).

So yeah, plan is still the same, still the same questions though. I'm thinking I should try some Computer courses but not sure how well it would work. Physics is an idea (required if I did Comp Sci at fitchburg I noticed), but it's at 8am. Blah blah blah. I don't know.

For some reason I started looking at the ratemyprofessors/teachers site a few days ago and noticed that my abnormal psych professor has a horrible rating at UMass Darmouth, not surprising. I'd say he isn't a great teacher. IMO I never feel like any of my teachers are bad but I can definitely tell you what some of the good ones I've had were. I checked the ratings of my soon-to-be professors providing the schedule next spring and noticed that they both have pretty badish ratings. Kind of worrysome, but when you consider that my interest in the course has shown an indirect correlation with rate my professor grades, I suppose it's not something to worry about. There is a really good teacher teaching Calc II, just the night course though, almost makes me want to switch.

Tags: bcc, school
Current Music: Move Along